We All Have Our “Tells.” Do You Know Yours?

Hello! Welcome back to Your Future, Your Work — where we explore what it really takes to lead with clarity, courage, and conviction. Because what you do next matters.

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There I was, standing in front of 500 people, when suddenly… everything went black.

When I came to, I was in an ambulance, nauseated, disoriented, and terrified. Hours later, after every test imaginable, the doctors told me the only explanation was exhaustion and dehydration.

It was mortifying. But more than that — it was preventable.

Looking back, the signs were all there: the mounting fatigue, the irritability, the mental fog. I had ignored every indicator my body had been sending me that something was off.

Those signs weren’t random; they were signals.

I call them “tells.”

Borrowing from poker, a “tell” is an unconscious habit that reveals what’s really going on beneath the surface — like a player tapping their fingers when bluffing.

We all have tells, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not.

The real question is: do you even know yours?

My “Nutella Tell”

For me, it’s Nutella sandwiches. The number I eat in a short stretch is a direct reflection of my stress level: one in a week is smooth sailing, a small indulgence — but two on Tuesday, three on Wednesday… I’m on the edge.

That week before the conference? I ate five in one sitting.

That should have been my sign to stop, reflect, and ask myself what was really happening.

Instead, I pushed through until my body forced me to stop.

Now, when I catch myself reaching for the temporary comfort that only hazelnut spread can offer, I pause. I check in.

I ask myself, what’s driving this moment — stress, fatigue, resentment, or fear?

Because I know it’s not about the sandwich; it’s about the story underneath it.

Ask yourself: What small habits or behaviors tend to show up when I’m under pressure — and what might they be trying to tell me?

We All Have Our “Nutella”

Your tell might not come in a jar.

For one friend, it’s snapping at a colleague for sending a perfectly normal email.

For an SVP I coach, it’s hearing that inner critic — she’s named hers Frank — getting louder and meaner by the minute.

Maybe your tell is retail therapy, avoidance, or that glass of wine that’s become four.

Whatever form it takes, it’s not the problem. It’s a symptom — a flare in the dark saying, “something needs your attention.”

When stress hijacks your brain’s amygdala — what I call your “squirrel brain” — your objectivity disappears. You can’t think clearly, so your body does the talking for you.

From Awareness to Action

Here’s the critical moment: awareness gives you a choice.

Do you give in to the impulse — or pause and recalibrate?

Making a crucial adjustment doesn’t have to derail your whole day.

For one client, it means a 10-minute walk.

For another, it’s asking, “What advice would I give my child if they were feeling this way?”

For me, it’s recognizing when to put down the sandwich and rest with intention — something I did recently, when I chose to leave a Broadway show halfway through because my body was saying “enough.”

I was there with my mom and sister, who had flown in to visit. I wanted so badly to rally, to enjoy the evening, to be present with them, but the truth was, I felt awful.

Walking out wasn’t about missing the show — it was about finally listening to what my body had been trying to tell me, realizing I was running on empty, and finally giving myself permission to stop.

The choice isn’t always easy, like leaving the show I’d wanted to see, but they often are simple.

And the sooner you start paying attention to your tells, the less drastic your response has to be.

Small, intentional actions are how you shift from unconscious reaction to conscious control.

Ask yourself: When I notice one of my tells, how can I pause before reacting — and choose a response that serves me better?

The Stakes Are High

We can’t control what happens to us — but we can control how we respond.

Because, even more so than in poker, the stakes in life are far too high to gamble blindly.

So here’s my challenge to you:

Start noticing your tells. The subtle signs your body, mind, or emotions use to flag distress before you hit your breaking point.

Don’t wait for a metaphorical — or literal — fainting spell to wake you up.

The wake-up call is now.

Learn to recognize your signs, pause, and respond with purpose — so you don’t just survive stress.

You lead through it.