Are You Too Nice to Be Effective?

There’s a leadership trap I see over and over at the executive level — and it doesn’t get talked about nearly enough.

It’s not about ego, or incompetence.
It’s about being too nice.

Not kind. Not thoughtful.
Too nice — at the expense of being clear, direct, and effective.

I recently coached a CMO who was well-liked across the company. Warm. Collaborative. Known for her positivity.

She prided herself on being someone people enjoyed working with.

She was also self-aware. She knew she softened her message and sidestepped conflict.

But it wasn’t until her departure that the bigger picture snapped into focus.

When she announced her resignation — not out of frustration, but because she saw the system wasn’t built for the kind of impact she knew she could drive — a peer on the Executive Leadership Team finally said what no one else had:

“I wish you had raised the real issues. We needed your voice.”

She was stunned. What she thought was diplomacy had come across as compliance. She had filtered her feedback through so much sugar it lost its impact.

And that peer? They didn’t feel safe raising the issues either. They were quietly hoping she would do it — on her way out.

That moment made one thing painfully clear: this wasn’t just about her. It was cultural. Systemic.

The cost? The Executive Leadership Team stayed stuck — and so did the organization.

Here’s the real problem:
If you’re more focused on being liked than being clear, you’re not leading — you’re performing.

And your team will follow your lead.

What You Model, You Multiply

Leaders, your actions reverberate more than you think. Are you adverse to conflict? Because then your team will be, too.

Nice isn’t the issue.
Ambiguity is.

When leaders hedge, so do teams.

Pushback disappears. Meetings stay polite — but unproductive.

Everyone’s “aligned”… until results stall and no one can name why.

Sound familiar?

The signs can be subtle:

·       Feedback loops that go nowhere

·       Team members who wait for direction rather than challenge it

·       Silence where truth is needed most

This isn’t just a personal habit. It’s a cultural cue.

And it starts at the top.

Culture Follows Clarity — or Confusion

Your team is watching what you say — and what you skip.

If you dilute every message, they will too.

If you avoid tension, they’ll learn to fear it.

If you show that tension is off-limits, they’ll internalize that silence is safer.

By prioritizing harmony over accountability, you’re building a team that performs... but only on the surface.

That’s why this CMO’s reluctance to engage in conflict wasn’t just a personal blind spot; it was a reflection of the culture around her. And over time, it became a self-fulfilling cycle.

Her silence didn’t just preserve relationships — it preserved dysfunction.

Because, when teams avoid candor, it’s not about competence. It’s about the culture they’re in.

A culture where image trumps impact.

Where avoiding conflict feels safer than surfacing it.

Where comfort is quietly rewarded more than results.

Kindness matters. But when it eclipses accountability?
You get alignment on paper — and avoidance in practice.

Make the Shift: 5 Moves to Reclaim Clarity

Want to reset? Start here:

·       Audit your silence.
​ Ask yourself: “What needed to be said — and why didn’t I say it? What did that cost the team?”

·       Add 5% more truth.
​ You don’t need to overhaul your style overnight. Just be 5% more direct — every time.

·       Name the pattern.
​ Level set with your team: “We’ve gotten polite. Let’s get clear. What are we not saying?”

·       Reward real talk.
​ Invite challenge. Publicly praise pushback. Make candor safe — not risky.

·       Check your blind spots.
​ A third-party 360 or Hogan assessment will show you how you actually show up — not just how you hope to.

The Best Leaders Lead with Precision

Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted.
That means clarity over comfort. Honesty over harmony.

The goal? Not a team that performs on the surface. But a team that owns — boldly, fully, and in alignment.

And that starts with you.

Coaching to Lead Through the Mess

If you’re navigating change — or leading a team through disruption — the “nice vs. clear” tension only gets louder.

That’s why I created “Leading Through Turbulence” built specifically for senior leaders in turbulent times. If you’re curious to learn more, contact me here.

Being liked feels good.
Being clear creates change.

Let’s lead for what matters most.

Onward — with clarity and conviction,