Are others’ perceptions holding you back?

It’s difficult to know how others see us. I know more than one leader who has been surprised by feedback about how they’re interpreted at work. You may know that you’re meticulous and thorough, but others may view you as controlling and negative.

I work with a senior leadership team member (let’s call him David) whose company was acquired. Unfortunately, David was inadvertently coming across as an obstacle to what the new owners wanted to achieve. He thought he was being helpful by providing background about how decisions were historically made, or the way things had been done in the past. Instead, David's new colleagues saw him as defensive, defiant, even combative. 

The gap between how you’re perceived and how you want to be perceived can have a hefty impact on your career and your leadership. However, it is possible to change how others see you. While it wasn’t easy, David was able to shift how he was understood at work, and you can too. 

What do I want others to see?

Before you are able to adjust your behavior, you need to envision how you want others to experience you as a leader, and in turn, the kind of leader you want to be. If your team or colleagues were asked to describe what it’s like to work with you, what would you want them to say? 

Consider where the wires are currently getting crossed. Perhaps you’re wanting to give your team space, but they’re interpreting it as disinterest. Maybe your analytical style is seen as overly harsh, or your “team player” mentality is causing others to see you as passive. These misinterpretations will tell you a lot about how you desire to be perceived. 

In our coaching, David discovered that he wanted to be viewed as someone who was generous with his experience and contributed valuable knowledge to his team. With that clear vision in mind, he could move ahead. 

Get real 

If you are unaware of the factors that influence how others perceive you, it will be difficult to change. This is a good time to look over the feedback you’ve received (or to solicit feedback) to better understand where the disconnect is. This can be a humbling experience, but remember: every action you take is open to multiple interpretations. How someone perceives you may differ from your intention, but it’s not necessarily wrong. That perception is very real to them. Do your best not to be defensive or dismissive. Feedback is valuable information that will tell you what changes you need to make to turn the situation around.

Resources like the Hogan Personality Assessments can be extremely helpful during this step.  These assessments shed light on your core values, allowing you to see how you’re perceived day-to-day and what derails you (it’s often overusing our strengths). When I took the test, I discovered that I’m 100/100 on altruism, which means that I needed to stop myself from helping everyone without helping myself. After receiving my results, I extracted myself from nine(!) non-profit boards that I volunteered on, yet had no time for. This helped me to remove a lot of stress from my life, giving me the space and energy to perform and interact with others at a higher level. 

Prepare for speed bumps 

As David and I worked together to determine what behavioral adjustments he would make, we also took time to analyze the potential obstacles that could derail him from showing up as he intended. No matter the situation, there will be challenges, but you can up your chances of success by preparing for them. Some of these obstacles may be exterior, like an important presentation or a meeting you’ve been dreading. Some of them may be interior, like a bias toward a particular (i.e., annoying) colleague or a need to correct others.

I work with another leader who leads Client Success for a company that was recently purchased. Her obstacle is her boss, who comes across as accusatory for all the company's challenges with clients, despite her team’s herculean efforts over the past year.

It's been very helpful for her to create boundaries so she's not overly stressed or upset, and then to create space when she receives communications (or invitations) to get riled up. She's found that by waiting a beat, getting the facts, and crafting a non-emotional response, she's able to position herself and her team as the subject-matter experts they are, gaining the respect she deserves from her executive leadership team.

No matter what stands in your way, preparation is crucial to staying on course. If you know someone on your team tends to interrupt you, make a list of calm responses and practice so you can use them on the fly. If your nerves tend to make you short with others, practice deep breathing to control your anxiety. These small actions go a long way when it comes to sticking to your behavioral goals. 

Be patient 

Changing someone’s perception of you is usually a multi-step process. One demonstration of new behavior won’t cut it; you will often have to demonstrate long-term change. How long it will take depends on how strong an impression you’ve made, but consistency is key here. David began to be more intentional about how he shared information at work, and now he is perceived as a valuable partner who generously shares his knowledge about historical decision-making and legacy processes. 

A bad work reputation doesn’t have to last forever. With inner work and outer action, how you’re perceived can match the great leader you already are.