When the promises at work don’t match the payoff

In leadership, few things are more motivating than being told, “Your future here is bright.”

And few things are more demoralizing than realizing that the promises attached to that future… aren’t materializing.

It often doesn’t happen all at once.

At first, it’s subtle — a delayed conversation, a shifting rationale, a heartfelt reassurance that sounds meaningful but lands vague.

Over time, the gap between what’s being said and what’s real grows wide enough to trip over.

And even the strongest leaders start questioning themselves:

Am I being patient or strung along?
Is this loyalty or misplaced hope?
What do I owe the organization… and what do I owe myself?

“You’re Essential — But Not Yet”

I saw this firsthand with Ryan, an executive coaching client who had been the CEO’s steady right hand for a decade.

He built the company’s most profitable service line — entirely on his own initiative.
He protected the culture.
He held the place together.

Behind closed doors, the CEO called him “the hand of the king,” a signal of extraordinary trust.

But only in private.

Publicly, the CEO stayed quiet. He didn’t want to upset the long-tenured C-suite that already felt overlooked and under-rewarded.

Ryan was the highest-paid executive in the company. But compensation isn’t clarity. Every time he raised the subject of an equity stake or succession, the CEO replied, “Let me come back to you with something.” “We’ll get there.” “You know you’re the future.”

In our sessions, Ryan articulated the dynamic in one painful sentence: “I feel like the owner’s mistress — he says all the right things privately, offers gestures of appreciation, but won’t make it official.”

Ryan understood his challenge wasn’t influence — he had plenty.
His challenge was understanding its limitations.

Over time, he realized:
Proximity to power isn’t the same as power.
And waiting for someone else to formalize what’s been implied is a losing bet.

If your recognition lives in the shadows, your future does too. Don’t bet your career on unspoken promises.

The Terms Changed — and So Did the “Opportunity”

Ryan’s situation is one version of this problem: promises made in private, never brought into the light.

But for another client — let’s call her Jamie — the dynamic looked different.

Jamie had spent more than a decade rising through the ranks on the strength of her performance. She’d been tapped for nearly every role she held, often before she even considered herself ready.

Her leaders championed her, coached her, and made it clear: “You’re exactly who we need at the next level.”

So when she began preparing for a senior promotion, the path seemed obvious.

Then two things happened at once.

A new executive stepped in — someone unfamiliar with her track record and unconvinced by the endorsements she’d long relied on. Overnight, the message shifted from “You’re ready” to “Let’s revisit this once we know more.”

Ambiguity replaced confidence.

And at the same time, Jamie was recruited into a high-visibility cross-functional leadership role pitched as a “blank slate” opportunity — a chance to build something that had no blueprint.

Except… it wasn’t.

Once she stepped in, the gap became obvious:

• Teams resisted every recommendation.

• No one had aligned on her mandate.

• She was accountable for results she had no authority to influence.

The clearer it became, the more she recognized the pattern:

She was living under an old psychological contract while being evaluated under a new one — and expected to deliver outcomes without the decision rights to make success possible.

What Jamie learned is what every leader in this situation eventually realizes:

When the power structure changes, the promises change with it.
And if your opportunity doesn’t come with decision rights, it’s not empowerment — it’s exposure.

Because ambiguity isn’t a reward, it’s a risk.

The bigger the promise, the more important the clarity.
And the longer the delay, the more you need to re-evaluate the agreement.

Most executives don’t lose momentum because they lack capability. They lose momentum because they rely on promises rather than specifics.

So what do you do when you find yourself waiting for something you weren’t guaranteed — but were definitely encouraged to believe?

Three Shifts to Make When Incentives Keep Slipping

1. Move from hints → to written agreements. If the path isn’t documented, it doesn’t exist.

Ask questions that force specificity:

• “What would need to be true for X to happen this year?”

• “Who is involved in the decision?”

• “What criteria are being used?”

• “How will we measure readiness?”

And then: summarize and send it back in writing.
Not as pressure, but as alignment.

2. Stop waiting for reassurance. Start testing for commitment.

Leaders often confuse encouragement with commitment.

You can test commitment with simple moves:

• Request timelines

• Ask to see the competencies or requirements

• Clarify whether budget, equity, or headcount actually exists

• Request face time with the final decision-makers

If someone waffles, delays, or redirects?
You’ve learned something essential — without losing another year.

3. Rewrite the psychological contract. This is the heart of the work.

Most leaders have an unwritten agreement with their organization:
“I deliver X, and in return, I’ll be tapped for Y.”

But psychological contracts expire — often without notice.

If the environment, power structure, or expectations shift, your contract must shift with it.
Here are questions I often ask leaders in coaching:

• “What were you implicitly promised — and by whom?”

• “Is that person still in a position to deliver it?”

• “What are you holding onto that is no longer real?”

• “What new agreement do you want to create?”

Clarity is not a confrontation. It’s a strategy.

When You Stop Waiting, You Start Leading

The leaders who emerge strongest from these situations share a mindset shift: they stop hoping for recognition and start defining the terms of their future.

If you’re navigating this exact dynamic — waiting for equity, succession, authority, promotion, or public acknowledgment that keeps slipping — you are not alone. It’s a solvable challenge.

And you don’t need to solve it in the dark.