When You Think Your Boss Is Full of It
At some point in your career, you will have this thought:
I can’t believe this person is in charge.
You don’t say it out loud.
You don’t post about it.
You still show up to meetings, execute the strategy, and represent the organization professionally.
But internally, something has shifted.
I recall experiencing this while facilitating an offsite with an executive I’d worked with before. Over dinner, he commented on my body—then followed up later with a personal text about my smile.
Individually, none of it was overtly inappropriate.
But something changed.
What I thought was a professional relationship no longer felt that way.
Our titles were the same.
But respect had gone out the window.
If you’ve been in leadership long enough, you’ve likely experienced your own version of this moment — I called it “the Ick” in my recent article for Fast Company.
Maybe it wasn’t inappropriate behavior. Maybe it was:
A leader who speaks about integrity while throwing peers under the bus when it benefits them
A CEO who claims to welcome dissent but punishes disagreement
A brilliant strategist who changes direction weekly and destabilizes the organization
A senior executive whose behavior contradicts the values they publicly champion
Different situations. Same internal reaction:
You no longer trust their judgment — but your job still requires you to work with them.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Most leadership advice skips this reality entirely.
You’re told to “have a candid conversation.”
Or “vote with your feet.”
Or simply endure.
But many executives, especially these days, don’t have the luxury of leaving.
The market is beyond uncertain.
Your stock awards or 401k haven’t vested.
Teams — and your family — depend on you.
And walking away isn’t always the strategic move.
So the real question becomes:
How do you lead effectively when respect has eroded upward?
First: Separate Discomfort from a True Red Line
Not every leadership misalignment is the same.
Some situations violate core values.
Others challenge personal preferences or working style.
Before deciding how to respond, pause and assess:
Is this a moral breach or a leadership frustration?
Does this situation compromise who I am professionally?
Or does it simply make my work harder?
Executives who navigate these moments well start by clarifying their own boundaries.
Because once you know whether you’re facing a red line or an irritation, your options become clearer.
If it’s a red line, the question becomes long-term sustainability while you plan your exit.
If it isn’t, the work shifts from judgment to strategy.
Second: Stop Trying to Change the Leader
One of the most draining mistakes senior leaders make is attempting to fix upward.
They invest enormous emotional energy hoping the person will become more self-aware, more consistent, more aligned.
But leadership maturity rarely develops because a subordinate wishes it into existence.
Instead, strong executives ask a different question:
Given who this leader actually is, how do I operate effectively anyway?
That shift gives you your agency back.
You stop reacting to personality and start managing the environment.
Third: Adjust How You Interpret the Behavior
A client once described working for an extraordinarily volatile executive. Every meeting brought criticism or unpredictable reactions.
Eventually, he reframed the situation as a game: How many dramatic comments will happen today?
Something interesting followed: He stopped taking the behavior personally.
His emotional response softened.
And the leader — no longer getting visible reactions — became easier to navigate.
The goal isn’t resignation, but creating psychological distance.
When you stop expecting consistency from an inconsistent leader, you reclaim focus for the work that actually matters.
Fourth: Build Parallel Sources of Stability
Executives often underestimate how isolating these situations become.
Respect loss creates cognitive friction. You expend energy managing emotions instead of advancing outcomes.
High-performing leaders counter this by strengthening lateral relationships:
Trusted peers who provide grounding
Teams aligned on what acting with integrity looks like
External advisors or coaches who help you process without political risk
The goal isn’t to control the leader above you, but to stabilize the system around you.
Finally: Decide Consciously — Not Reactively
Here’s what I see most often: Leaders stay in difficult environments without ever making an intentional choice to stay. They operate in quiet resentment.
The strongest executives do something different.
They decide:
I am choosing to remain here — for now — because the learning, influence, or opportunity outweighs the cost of leaving.
Or:
This situation crosses a line, and I will begin planning my exit.
Either path is valid.
What matters is that the decision becomes deliberate.
Because leadership isn’t defined by whether you encounter flawed leaders.
It’s defined by how thoughtfully you respond when you do.
You won’t always admire the people you work with.
But you can still lead with clarity, professionalism, and self-respect.
And sometimes, navigating these moments well becomes the experience that prepares you for the leadership role others will one day evaluate you against.